Limerence is the state of obsession with someone not in a romantic relationship. American psychologist Dorothy Tennov first discovered this phenomenon in 1979. Limerence is seen as an extreme form of unrequited love that causes significant distress.
Many people confuse limerence with the thought of love or a simple crush but it is much deeper than that. What limerence looks like in a person is intense, obsessive infatuation characterized by intrusive thoughts and idealization. This idea stems from unmet emotional needs or unresolved childhood trauma. The “obsession” is typically short-lived and may fade once the initial infatuation wanes. According to Dr. Sarah Taylor, a cyberpsychologist at Cardiff Metropolitan University, almost 50% of the population experience limerence. People who experience limerence see changes in their lives emotionally, behaviorally, and psychologically.
Limerence can allow someone to be very compulsive. Actions that represent this include frequently checking social media, ignoring boundaries, and going places to “accidentally” run into the limerent object. When in this state, people are so focused on the object that they tend to forget or forsake existing relationships with family, friends or partners. These important relationships and connections start to fade into the background. Although it is a positive trait to have the ability to analyze something or someone, while experiencing limerence it is harmful. It allows someone to always overanalyze minor interactions from their limerent object.
Dealing with limerence involves several emotional highs and lows. The highs consist of the littlest attention or reciprocation from the limerent object; in return, euphoria or excitement is experienced. The lows happen when one feels rejected or ignored, resulting in sadness, despair or anxiety. Limerence also allows someone to have obsessive thoughts. This will leave somebody unable to think about anything but their limerent objective. These thoughts dominate one’s mind and lead them to not be able to focus on other important aspects in their life.
As discussed above, psychologically, limerence has a high likelihood of making someone deal with anxiety and stress. This is because the constant battle of uncertainty about whether the feelings will be reciprocated intensifies anxiety. Along with this, someone may have a fear of rejection, causing more stress. Feeling stuck in limerence if nothing is reciprocated can make someone feel constant hopelessness or depression.
Limerence takes a huge toll on someone and has many negative effects. These things range from depression, stress, anxiety, and habits of things like overinterpretation. Not only does it personally affect someone, it affects one’s relationships with others and makes them forget about the necessary aspects of life. Overall it impacts someone’s life by consuming thoughts, emotions and behaviors, leading to intense preoccupation with the object of affection.
